Welcome back everybody. Vacation is over and it's time to get back to the daily grind. What happened to me over vacation? Well I got a haircut that looks like what I assume Meg Ryan from the 90's and a Dutch boy combined would look like.
My boss told me the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is four weeks, but I disagree. The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is the hair dresser's life. I'm kidding, I didn't kill my hairdresser. I actually gave her a really big tip because the last time I got my hair cut I only had a debit card and I wasn't allowed to tip with it.
Bowling anyone?
I almost went bowling (I couldn't figure out a good way to segue into that so I just went for it). I've spent more hours of my life than I'd like to admit trying to convince my friends to go bowling and then one day out of the blue they asked me if I wanted to go bowling. I played hard to get, like I wasn't really that interested anymore, you know, like make them work for it, but in the end I said 'fine, if you insist' (Not true, I screamed yes into the phone until every living being in my home yelled at me).
The next thing I know I'm sitting in the car on my way to what I assume will be the best night of my young life. We pull up to the bowling alley only to find out that it is closed. And as if it wasn't enough for it to be closed it was also the creepiest building I've ever seen. What I'm trying to say is it looked like they rounded up every rapist in the state and put them inside that closed bowling alley. Who are they? Why are they rounding up rapists and putting them in a closed bowling alley? I don't know and I don't care, I'm just mad I didn't get to go bowling.
Good morning world
Since the bowling debacle, I decided to regroup and get up early to start a brand new day. Below is a detailed schedule of that morning routine.
9:00 AM - Briefly wake up and think 'I have to get up, I can't waste another day by sleeping through half of it'.
9:10 AM - Decide there's always tomorrow to get up earlier and enjoy more of daylight. Waste no time falling back asleep.
10:00 AM- Think about how great it is to be alive and all the time you're wasting sleeping through it. Will you regret this when you're older? Continue to contemplate you're life and what you plan to do with it, don't stop until you feel overwhelmed. After calming yourself down go back to sleep.
11:30 AM - Wake up and walk downstairs to find everyone else already doing something. Feel left out for a few minutes because you're out of the loop.
11:35 AM - You realize you're hungry. Panic sets in, is it time to eat breakfast or lunch? Angst about what to eat. It's basically lunch time but something doesn't feel right about not eating some form of breakfast food.
11: 50 AM - At this point you've been wandering around the kitchen opening cabinets searching for food for the last 15 minutes. You're mom has yelled at you for leaving all of the cabinets open. You apologize and desperately continue your search.
11:52 AM - You spot a bag of chocolate covered pretzels.
11:53 AM - You know it's not a good idea and keep looking.
11:54 AM - You're staring at the bag of chocolate covered pretzels, longingly.
11:55 AM - No, it's not a good idea, don't do it. You've decided to take out some watermelon that's a better way to start off your morning.
11:56 AM - What was that? Did you just hear the pretzels calling your name? They were whispering something, was it "eat us."
11:57 AM - Wait would you really want to eat something that was whispering "eat me". You're not sure.
11: 58 AM - The watermelon might be in your hand but your eyes are on the chocolate covered pretzels. Don't do it, you think. Don't (the voice inside of your head whispers in a way that sounds like you're talking to a love one whose about to throw himself in front of a bus to save you. You know what I mean, you're saying it in a loving and sad way, because you know there's no way you can convince them not to).
12:00 PM - You eat the bag of chocolate covered pretzels.
12:05 PM - You regret your decision.
